The Land of OZ is Odd

Imagine you are an alien visiting a strange, yet parallel land.  Among your findings you discover while the language is technically the same each word is shotended, has an unneccesarry additional “O” added to the end, or is said in such a dumfounding dialect all you can do in conversations is stare with your mouth open counting the number of flies your mouth has caught.  You also discover not only do these humans from a land down under drive on the other side of the motor speed ways, but they also SIT on the other side of the car while doing so. When it comes to cooking your favorite pie or baking your granma’s country fair winning cookies, your delectable goods come out of the oven more resembling a meteroid that crashed into the Earth 300 years ago.  This is the world I now live in.

Common Conversational Points Down Unda

• Would you like to have a coffee this avo?

My interpretation: This strange human asked me to just eat avocados and drink coffee, gross. 

Actual interpretation: Would you like to join me for a latte or some other milk heavy coffee drink in the afternoon?

• How you going? 

My interpretation: Pause, because I think they are asking me how I am transporting myself from one place to another. After a sufficient amount of awkward time, I eventually ask "pardon?". 

Actual interpretation: How are you doing today? 

• That is SO bogan of them. 

My interpretation: I have no idea what you are talking about you crazy person, but of course I laugh in an agreeable manner while smiling and nodding. 

Actual interpretation: Holy shit, look at that red-neck and their poor choice of outfit. 

*This is a word I now use in my daily conversations, it quicker and easier to say than red-neck.*

• Would you like some lollies? 

My interpretation: I would love to enjoy a sucker, aka lolly pop.  I will take any flavor other than grape please. 

Actual interpretation: Would you like to enjoy a gummy worm style of confectionary candy? 

*I am now addicted to this country's mass supply of "lollies", and I am currently working through a 12 step program.

Starburst brand is my fav, but Naturals is pretty high on the list. 

• Lets go grab some brekkie?

My interpretation: Sweet baby Jesus, it is way to early to start fighting with strangers.  Why are we trying to break anyone anyways? 

Actual interpretation: Would you care to join me at a dining establishment to consume our first meal of the day, aka breakfast? 

Driving Down Unda

Have you driven in a car with me in the last 2 years?  If so, you know my depth perception is a bit off...I seriously need to get this checked out.  Combine my lack of depth perception, with driving on the opposite side of the road while controlling the vehicle from the right side of the car, and the Aussie roadways have a serious issue on their hands.   

Terrifying for all parties involved. 

I am happy to report, thanks to my German driver instructors, that I now can properly drive on the Australian roadways.  However, parallel parking is still completely out of the question, and I do slightly resemble a grandmother while driving.  

Food for thought: Each UK country drives on the left side of the road while sitting in the right front seat, excluding Canada.

Unidentifiable Baked Objects

I love to cook. I especially enjoy baking.  I am comfortable and confident in saying, I can cook satisfying meals and yummy baked goods...in America.  Australia, along with the entire world, uses the  metric system. So, when I am cooking my savory quiche, impressive but easy home-made-dirty rice, renowned peach pie and anything else out of my recipe book I am converting not only measurements but temperatures.  Just to up the anti in the cooking game, the ovens here are typically convection ovens (aka, fan based).  This means that after converting the temperature from Fahrenheit  to Celsius, I then need to adjust the temp down 20º-25º, maybe...just depends on the type of dish and how the oven is feeling that day.  Basically, every time I enter into the kitchen, I enter into battle.  Let the record show, I am winning against the oven: 4 - 2.    

 My first two attempts were dramatic failures: 

1. My beautiful quiche came out as a flying saucer that crashed into earth after becoming half disintegrated in the ozone layer.   
2. My standard, 'let me impress you with my cooking skills dirty rice', came out as what can only be described as "crunchy brown stuff".

"Crunchy brown stuff", brings my to my next topic concerning my cooking escapades.  There are a lack of grocery items in these Down Unda grocery stores.  Here is a list of common items that cannot be found, even after harassing the store clerks:

• 

  Homemade Pumpkin Puree

  Canned pumpkin; I now make my own puree. 
• Canned french onion soup
• Canned beef consume; The entire Campbells soup isle seems to be missing
• Frozen, rolled pie doe
• 9" frozen pie shells; Supermarkets only have 6" pie shells - you name me one pie recipe that ask for a 6" pie.
• Crescent rolls 
• A normal variety of cheese, at an affordable price
• Corn starch; After much discussion with the grocery store staff this item is deemed corn flour.  The staff now avoids me at all cost. 
• 1 - 5 minute rice; 25 minute rice is the only raw rice sold here
• Black beans, pinto beans, rotel; Any proper Mexican ingredients cannot be found.  

Please, don't let all of the Hobbs Nobbin' whining, deter you from seeing the wonderful land of OZ and all of it's beauty.  While I have a few things to get used to Down Unda, this is the land I am happily calling home for the next few years. 

Typical Thursday avo.